7 Words - A Personal Development System
No   ·   Hello   ·   Thanks   ·   Goodbye   ·   Please   ·   Sorry   ·   Yes

DLP Model Answers

There are no perfect answers, each of us has a unique approach to this work, and we value independent thought and expression - the models are to help people find their own voice; they come from students who have done the DLP earlier.

LINKS TO ANSWERS

The list is incomplete, we will add more as we can

Module 1 (No) Part 1
Module 1 (No) Part 2
Module 2 (Hello) (Layout idea)
Module 2 Hello (Another version)
Module 3 (Thanks)
Module 4 (Goodbye)
Module 5 (Please)
Module 6 (Sorry)
Module 7 (Yes) 

 

Module 1 (No) - Material

Your tutor will want to see clear evidence that you know and can express why you are doing this course. This will require you to include brief information about your life circumstances and the major issue(s) that you hope to address during the course.  It will also require you to demonstrate a functional familiarity with the contents of the workbook 7 Words Principles and Practices. Throughout the course you are expected to make many references to the 7 primary words and 28 keywords.


a) Write a letter to your tutor about what you hope to gain by doing the course.

 

Dear James

Thank you for agreeing to be my tutor for the DLP. Completing the UK course in 2011 has been a great help on my journey towards becoming the person that I really am. I anticipate more self fulfilment through this next stage in my engagement with 7 Words. If I was to be bold in my aspirations for the programme, I would say that I want to gain the clarity that will lead me to the place where ultimate surrender is possible. Once there, I am praying that I can choose wisely and summon the courage and humility to relinquish my false self and unite with the universe through self actualisation. I have read that Osho defined enlightenment as 'a reward for watching yourself in action'. I want to use the 7 Words to do this requisite self awareness work by giving myself a multi-dimensional view of who I am.

I realise that the course will challenge me to see and be seen. In recent years, I have noticed how much I have repressed, denied and hidden the real me. Now is the time to shine light on more of my blind spots and come out and play in the open. I look forward to giving myself the attention that I craved from others, as well as receiving feedback from you as tutor and from others that I interact with during this year. I welcome the opportunity to practice the system with those that are interested, which is a great way of getting experience, whilst also giving something back. Altogether, I am optimistic that I can generate win/win outcomes through my involvement with the cosmology.

I have noticed how my connections with others have improved as my enthusiasm for 7 Words has grown. I feel very grateful to have discovered the system and hope to share my learning with people that are interested in adding value to their lives. I want to foster happiness in myself and those that I meet and trust that an appreciation of 7 Words will assist in that regard.

I am also aware that in the past, I have not stepped up to any roles as a teacher, who imparts any kind of new knowledge. I see my involvement in 7 Words becoming a catalyst to move me on from previously low self esteem and break through these self limiting beliefs. So I have decided to finish with the old script and become a practitioner that also teaches in a group setting, despite a lot of fear and resistance.

Key for me in realising that goal will be clear communication and enlisting the help and cooperation of others. This is something that excites me as well. I believe that although I have a tendency to struggle on my own, I have learnt that we do indeed need each other. Also, I do enjoy and yearn for successful collaborations and teamwork, so finding cooperation is not only a solution to lonely ineffectiveness, but is also fulfilling a personal desire as well. Furthermore, I like the fact that there is an association of 7 Words practitioners to further mutual support and a sense of belonging.

Needless to say, with my grandiose vision and expectations of the DLP, there will be plenty of opportunity to practice Sorry. I don't know what I don't know, but I suspect that my ignorance may necessitate some refinement of my ideas as I stumble about on the sensitivities of my cohorts. I suppose that this highlights the fact that there are reasons that I have embarked upon the DLP, about which I am unaware at this moment in time. The calling of the unknown is every bit as motivating as the more rational arguments that have convinced me to study this material.

Therefore, I am diving into the mystery with conscious abandon. I trust that good will come of it. I suspect that I may be taken to the edge, and yet I am OK with that. I am following my intuition by saying yes to this further study and that feels all right.

 


b) Prepare a 600-1200 words summary of the book suitable for an article or press release for a chosen market, e.g. young girls' magazine, serious scientific journal, local newspaper. Indicate the market for which you have chosen to write.

 

 

The following article is intended for a 'girly' magazine.

Guess what girls! 

A new personality test which helps you discover your blemishes and beauty spots.  No more cover stick!  Become blemish free and enhance your natural beauty.

Step 1 - Do '7 Words Q21' here and now in this magazine.

Step 2 - From this find areas of your life that need 'working up' and others where you are 'doing fine' by counting up and comparing your scores.

Step 3 - Have a look at the guidance 'chat' below relating to each of the 7 aspects of your life that need to be under the spotlight, some more than others!

[Q21 download]

Guidance 'chat'

No

Where do you finish and others begin?  Are you clear about this?  Do you sometimes feel that others get what they want more than you and you go along with this?  It's time to stop, get to know yourself more, what you like and dislike, not just because others do.  What clothes make you happy?  Find hairstyles and make-up that suit you and that you feel comfortable in, so that you are truly you.  You don't have to go along with 'the crowd', you can choose to be you!

Hello

Ooh!  There are so many choices, so many people to hang out with.  This is a chance to really look around and spend some time deciding what is worth looking in to.  It could be anything from body cream to boyfriends.  How do you know what suits you best?  You need to spend some time looking and sometimes look at things in a different light.  Shine a spotlight on something and see whether it sparkles or withers.  See if you get something in return that is useful which leads you on to something deeper.  Commune with your body scrub!

Thanks

What do you really feel good about in your life?  What is important to you?  Is it your family, your friends, your work, your clothes, etc.?  The things you value the most can give you the greatest pleasure, especially if they touch your heart.  With loved ones you may show that by giving love or some token gesture of love.  With work you give your time, if you especially 'dig it' you give your enthusiasm and commitment.  All this helps you to feel good about your life.

Goodbye

Sometimes life gets so confusing, there are so many possibilities.  Once you have decided there is something you wish to pursue - a job, a room to rent, a friend to get to know better, a dress which you saw in the first shop you looked! - you need to say "bye bye" to the rest.  When you have the perfect dress, why would you buy all the others you have tried on?  You cannot live in ten rooms at once, you have to decide on one and stick with it, at least for a while.  You cannot move to the next stage without saying goodbye to the other options.  Once you become more practiced at valuing certain things in your life, it will be a lot easier to cut away the things that are not useful.

Please

Where is my life going?  Do you ask yourself this often?  Are the things you are doing in your life leading to something?  Do you feel on track?  Or are you going off the rails?  Wouldn't it be nice to know that everything we do in our life fits in to our own puzzle and that all our puzzles fit together to make an even bigger one?  When you can see a bigger picture for yourself you can do something about it by asking others to help.  We could all help each other.  Now that's a novel idea!

Sorry

What about all those things you have done or experienced that you feel bad about?  Wouldn't it be good to be able to be free from your own guilt and not blaming other people for things?  Hey, if you 'own' the bad things you have done and really feel the 'wrongness', you can do something to make the situation better, either by apology or a gesture of remorse.  You will be surprised how much relief you will feel.

Yes

What happens when you are faced with something you are not sure about?  There are certain stages to go through before you can really say "Yes!" whole-heartedly.  Wouldn't it be great to feel OK about everything in life?  Sometimes though, we go along with things even when we have only the smallest degree of 'yesness'.  It's like saying "I will allow this to happen."  Even "I accept that this will happen."  What about "I agree with this, and whatever the outcome, it is absolutely fine for me"?  What a way to live!

What next?

Hey girls, if you found this useful, how about a more in-depth analysis of what makes you tick? 

Go to www.7Words.co.uk and find out more about this enlightening process.

And for all you intellectuals out there, try having a look at '7 Words Principles and Practices' by James Burgess. 

If you are feeling more sociable, you could come and learn with other '7 Wordees' at an experiential course in your local area.

 

Module 2 (Hello) - Attention

a) Look at newspapers, TV programmes, adverts, etc., to find out where the world is placing its attention at this time and comment on this in 7 Words terms. 
b) Repeat this exercise describing where you personally are placing your attention, especially considering the people you connect with and other inputs such as books, films, courses, hobbies and activities.
c) Create an informal document for yourself, a bit like a CV, to advertise your skills and preferences in 7 Words terms. Include what you really want to receive in return for what you offer.
d) Sit quietly with something from nature like a leaf or flower, a tree or an animal, for 15 minutes or so. Meditate upon it. Describe in 7 Words terms what you learn from this practice.

 

Module 2a

NO-The world very much continues upon the track of the (often competing) establishment of boundaries, particularly those of nationhood.  Recently however there has been increased attention given to the boundaries of influence in international politics, recent events in relation to Libya being a case in point.  Here, under the guise of the protection of the civilian population and the establishment of a no fly zone, an old story of imperialist domination verses the right to self determination of nation states, is being played out.  In the Guardian magazine of 23rd of April, old and new photographs of intervention in Afghanistan are juxtaposed to make exactly this point.

HELLO-War begets propaganda and indeed there has been significant assistance given to the various governments involved in the intervention in Libya by the western media recently.  Increasingly however, it has even been difficult for the sophisticated media which our society generates, to cover up the mission drift into partisan support for the Libyan rebels. On a brighter front in relation to this issue, there was a small victory scored against the increasing globalization of the news media when Rupert Murdoch was forced into a position where he relinquished potential control over Sky news.

THANKS-The distribution of income nationally and internationally has changed little since the end of the Second World War.  Today as the western world war reels from the impact of the financial crisis stimulated by the excesses of the banks, it is likely that the greatest price will be paid, proportionally, by the poor and those in receipt of benefits and pensions.  Not only that, but the greatest 'thanks' to the nation is now severely under threat from the coalition plans to restructure the NHS.

GOODBYE-Much attention has been drawn, in the media, to the introduction of a new generation of electric cars.  One might be led to believe that this is a significant development in saying goodbye to the use of fossil fuels.  However as a the very same time, the oil industry is sending platforms to exploit the deep waters within the arctic circle which have been made accessible by the melting of ice caused by global warming!!

PLEASE-Due in part to the influence of social networking facilitated by increasingly global access to the Internet, demands for increased freedom, and political and human rights in Arab states have been a feature of recent months.  A strong 'please' in this regard has echoed around around states and across borders.  Oppressive regimes which have ruled four decades have been toppled or severely destabilised by the power of united and, in a large part, unarmed people.  Passive non cooperation, once made famous by Gandhi, has found rebirth through the Internet which has given voice to an equality of social and political expectation.

SORRY-It was interesting to note that the president of Egypt, Mubarak, after growing pressure, decided to fall upon his own sword and relinquish power.  However his example has not been followed subsequently by regimes in Arab states, which instead have chosen to adopt strategies, including brutal repression in order to be able to cling on to power.  However, it could be argued that some politicians use the archetype of sorry to disguise a desire to continue in power.  The admission by Tony Blair, for example, that he had been mistaken about the issue of WMD did not lead to his resignation, despite the fact that the existence of such weapons was the rationale for the involvement of the UK in an illegal war which had sparked the largest demonstration in the history of our democracy.

YES - Despite decades of political correctness in western nations we still tolerate political sexual and gender related discrimination in other parts of the world.  That of course included, until relatively recently Libya under the control of Colonel Gaddafi! When the UK receives requests for asylum, those involved are routinely demonised and marginalised socially.  They become a 'threat' to our society and their security is further threatened by the right wing groups that feed off and reinforce and institutional and political xenophobia.

 

Module 2b

Personal life emphasis in seven words terms:

NO - This is one of the 7 Words that have incurred much work for me as it was clear from the outset that it was an area of weakness.  With hindsight it was clear that being a husband or son and a father had significantly blurred the boundaries of my existence leading to a subsequent weakening in terms of identity.  Since December 2010 I have done significant work strengthening and creating boundaries with family members and others who have chosen to impact upon my personal space.  This has incurred a significant renegotiation of my relationship with my mother in the difficult emotional territory created by the death of my father in September 2010.

The new era of confidence and sense of identity that has emerged has been challenging for some.  Recently I felt that someone had over-stepped the mark and spoken to me in a manner which one might reserve for an uncooperative shop assistant.  I took the ego out of the situation and simply reflected to that person that the manner in which they had engage me had undermined the trust that was necessary for our relationship to be constructive.  My timely intervention has led to a constructive dialogue, engaged in without anger or resentment and has paved the way for a deepening of the relationship, rather than its destruction.

HELLO - The process described in the last paragraph has, paradoxically, led to a more defined a sense of Hello.  This process has opened up the possibility of romantic engagements liberated from the chains of dependency and previous cycles of relationship development.  Trust in myself has fed trust in others and has been accompanied by a significant reduction in the fear of change.  This has led to the rediscovery of my own gifts and aptitudes which have been under utilised in recent years.

The rebalancing of ego has have been of significant help in dealing with others,             in both                mundane and creative arenas and has significantly improved my abilities in the sphere of exchange.  This has led to the re-examination of communion, particularly in respect of my healing work and has led to subtle shifts in the way in which my practice is communicated and operated, including encompassing what I do in one sentence on the home page of my website!

THANK  YOU - this is one of the 7Words that I have been increasingly aware has been expressed, occasionally, in a dysfunctional manner, to the extent that I have alienated a close friend. Appreciation, valuing and giving were easy for me as was the expression of heart essence.  However what I have come to realise is that these apparent gifts were predicated upon low self esteem and an inadequate sense of self.  In reality they may have been, unintentionally, stifling and, paradoxically, have prevented friends from expressing their own emotions in relation to myself adequately. On occasion I swamped people with good intention!

GOODBYE - this was another area of a severe weakness on my part, prior to my involvement in the 7Words course.  I came to recognise that I was weak in terms of realisation and often internalised unhappiness and boredom which contributed towards depression.  That state of affairs inhibited my decision-making process and I hung on the horns of dilemmas for far too thus compounding the situation.  Completion was therefore forced upon me, particularly in relation to divorce and made moving on all a lot more tortuous.

Given that part of my path has involved recovery from alcohol abuse and depression, ongoing attention to this aspect of the 7Words is an essential for me.  The fact that I made a decision to end a romantic relationship recently, which was not unpleasant but nevertheless had no possibilities for growth and expansion, is a major step forward for me.  The decision has impacted beneficially upon my sense of self-worth and faith in my ability to exercise choice and control in relation to my life.

PLEASE - another area of weakness.  Perhaps I had been socialised to accept what I was given?! Be grateful for what I got?!  However, at the last weekend I became acutely aware that if I was to avoid old cycles and patterns of behaviour in relation to relationships, I had to be absolutely clear about what I wanted, otherwise I could hardly complain about getting what I was given!  This area, of course, was severely impacted upon by the low self esteem of a dysfunctional thank you. Paradoxically,             at times in my life, I had been extremely successful in manifesting a vision.  I had envisioned arriving in John O'Groats from Land's End and I had envisioned successfully a           first-class honours degree, but I had not effectively applied the process  to my life in general and done it in a sustained  fashion.

SORRY - this is an area of strength for me, which was developed by my involvement with AA and its 12 step programme.  At its heart are the acceptance of responsibility and an absence of the projection of blame.  This is something I have been very vigilant at, throughout all of the past six years of my abstention from alcohol.  That was reinforced by the emphasis on mental health self management programmes of the power of 'acceptance'.

Not only was my marriage destroyed by alcoholism, but my relationship with my parents was severely strained.  I was indeed a prodigal son!  My commitment to the keywords of sorry was therefore real and personal.  However at the end of my eulogy as my father's funeral, I was aware that amends were made and complete.  Looking forward without being dogged by the guilt of the past has been a significant liberating factor for me in recent months.

YES - An effective 'yes' is already growing, as a result of personality/emotional shifts in respect of the  other 7Words.  My agreement to take over certain voluntary duties is a part of that and represented permission to James and Richard to get to know me further.  Involvement in the DLP was another step.  I have also been more willing to get to know people and accept offers of friendship generally.  My self characterisation as a lone wolf is starting to fade in favour of a rather more balanced   and healthy model of interaction with other individuals and groups.

Dispensing with the fragile ego of defensiveness has led to an easier acceptance of others which avoids judgmentalism.  There is also an increased emphasis on my part in achieving an aligned harmoniousness with others.  This even has extended to negotiations with my ex-wife regarding the financial settlement.  My refusal to enter into the confrontational situation took her completely off guard and culminated in closer mutual understanding (I think!).

Surrender his something that I became familiar with as a consequence of involvement in 12 step programmes.  That was subsequently reinforced by my spiritual journey.  Letting go of control and self importance is increasingly something that I am getting better at.  In AA one was asked to hand over the day to 'God', one day at a time.  I try, and keep trying!

 

Module 2 part c

The seven words 'CV':

Today, I am an increasingly 'authentic' communicator, committed two the expression of the seven words as outlined in page 86 of the workbook.  That authenticity is not only an expression of my own skills and attitudes; it is also an act of respect in relation to those with whom I communicate.  I aim encourage and facilitate reciprocation.

 

NO - My newly emergent confidence resulting from the embracing the key words and their associated values has been melded with my previous social work experience and also the experience of my spiritual path.  This is culminated in the ability to experience and communicate the truth of a situation on a variety of levels.  Also it as enabled me to 'put my finger on' sometimes delicate issues, with confidence.  I would hope that I would have sufficient sensitivity to be able to assess the ability of a person to accept what I may say.  However I remain open to the possibility that I may 'get it wrong', but would trust that the sincerity of any insight that may be offered would be treated with respect even if the recipient did not agree, though disagreement is not had to interpreted as personal rejection.

HELLO - All of my involvement in the seven words programme has been indicative of a wish and a need to embrace new concepts, new experiences, as well as new attitudes.  The past five months has been in effect, one huge Hello!  I accept that the answers that I seek at the personal and spiritual level are bound up in the process of engaging with others.  Again the skills used as a social worker in listening to and engaging with the 'client', come into play and are made a more potent  tool.

I embrace the concept of my internal reality creating external reality and am prepared to look inside myself for answers to situations.  My negotiations with my ex wife, for example, have been helped by much inner work relating to my own feelings about her boyfriend, whom she has recently invited to live in the matrimonial home.  The external reality remains the same, it simply has no sting. I don't expect thanks for this work, but I no longer tolerate disrespect and have been explicit in that regard.

THANK YOU - My potential in relation to this aspect of the 7Words has been liberated by its balancing with the other six.  My previous experience has led it to be rather more focused and predicated upon an assessment of an individual's ability to be able to accept any appreciation offered.  Previous difficulties have been encountered by not fully evaluating the ability of a person to accept appreciation.  A brittle ego has as much difficulty with appreciation as it does with confrontation!  Today I view thank you as an interaction which raises the value of both myself and the other person.

Today I still give gifts, but not to the level that they become routine.  The power to give needs to have inherent within it an appreciation of its own specialness.  Similarly with heart essence.  It is the core of my abilities as a healer but today it is underpinned by a far greater groundedness and a balanced self love based upon an ongoing desire for self knowledge. 

GOODBYE - This is a newly emergent skill based upon a searching inventory of past behaviours and attitudes.  I have embraced the maxim that there is only 'forward movement or death'!

PLEASE - The historically strong sense of vision, which often was too advanced for its audience, with  its links with intelligence, ambition and ego, has been tempered by being closely aligned with the other three keywords of please.  Today I seek 'totality' of intention and a strong commitment to the courage to declare it.  But that declaration is in the context of a strong commitment to cooperation with others. Today I pray not for things to happen, but for the skills, abilities, magnetism and cooperation from others to be able to make them happen.

SORRY - I no longer rationalise away, or project in other directions, responsibility.  I embrace it and view it as an opportunity to learn.  In accordance with the tenets of AA 'when I am wrong, I probably admit it' and do what I can to repair the situation.  Equally, having had experience of 'burning' at the unfairness of the world and the emotional, physical and spiritual damage that can occur, I attempt to let go of a situation before resentment can build up.  I fully appreciate that the power of forgiveness lies with valuing the inner landscape of self and has little to do with magnanimity in relation to others!

YES - previous patterns of behaviour and attitudes on my part have had to do with defensiveness and suspicion regarding the motives of others.  Today I proceed, albeit with due caution, on the basis that I will grant permission to constructively engage with others.  My permission is based upon a growing confidence in my intuitive ability to differentiate between what is acceptable and what is not and the subsequent commitment to 'harmonious alignment' with those I encounter.  My 'surrender' is in the knowledge and belief that in engaging constructively with the flow and process of life, I gain direct experience of the divine.

 

Module2 part d

For the purposes of this final part of module two I meditated upon my statuette of three golden leaping dolphins.  My reflections are as follows:

NO - My thoughts were that we have presented sentient creatures, such as dolphins, with a negative and dysfunctional No.  We have created boundaries between ourselves and the animal world with the intention of reinforcing our own identity as being superior, thus rationalising our choice to exploit their kingdom and disguise the truth of our oneness.

HELLO - An awareness of the need to offer the animal kingdom our full attention in a spirit of openness and a willingness to enter into an exchange regarding our cohabitation in the world.  To commune at a level that transcends language.

THANK YOU - To cease to look at the animal kingdom as either a resource or an obstacle to be overcome and celebrate and appreciate what we can give them and the earth in a spirit of heart essence.

GOODBYE - I was struck as to just how much dolphins and other animals have to teach us about this attribute.  Human beings seem to be seduced by their own  illusional ability to stand still in the world.  How men have striven to defy time. Structures such as the pyramids are evidence of this. To dolphins, however, no one piece of sea or activity is the same as the last.  Moving on is not an option, they must be in tune with the seasons and the ocean currents.  In that sense, perhaps they're closer to god!

PLEASE - I was struck that there was an urgent need to realise a positive vision in relation to our world and what our intentions are to be, if life as we know it is to be sustainable.  Clearly this can only be done with cooperation and no small amount of prayer.

SORRY - A vision of please can only be achieved if we assume and take responsibility for the damage that we have done to the world and express our remorse sincerely.  Only then will we be able to begin to repair the damage done and start to release our karmic debt as a species.

YES - Our 'war' with the natural world will only come to an end when we begin to look at the possibilities of 'negotiating' constructively with its forces and patterns.  When we let go of the idea that we can plan and control it!  How many more earthquakes and tsunamis will it take for us to understand that we are here only at the sufferance of nature?  Only then will we begin to act in the collaborative fashion with the natural world, working as a team with levels of intelligence and power that are as yet we have only sought to confine or subjugate.  That being done, the human race can finally surrender to the fact and paradoxically empowering realisation, that we are merely motes of dust in the winds of the cosmos. 



 

 

Module 3 (Thanks) - Questionnaire 

Q21 is a helpful tool that can quickly and incisively bring to light a person's pivotal issue and lead to breakthroughs in understanding.  Use it often for your own growth then use it with others as you gain confidence with it.  

a) Every week, for 4 weeks or more, record your scores using Q21 and comment on the results.

07-02-2007 

No 10
Hello 23
Thanks 26
Goodbye 21
Please 12
Sorry 19
Yes 13

 Total 124

 

     I did this Q21, as it happens, the day before I reached a point of deciding that I was trying too hard in regard to my business and feeling as if I was confused about what I wanted, and not really achieving much for all my efforts.  The weak Yes is a reflection of my being aware that almost on waking my stomach would tighten, that I was finding it hard to take life as it comes in regard to having no work, and that I didn't feel my talents were being used.

     The weak Please fits in here too.  My score of 3 for "...choosing and asking..." reflects a feeling that I wasn't putting out clearly what I wanted, or more to the point wasn't sure what I did want.

     No seems to bring up something for me around old patterns even though I feel I've come a very long way with holding to my No decisions and stepping out of victimhood.

 

17-02-2007 

No 14
Hello 22
Thanks 24
Goodbye 21
Please 16
Sorry 18
Yes 18

Total 133

 

     This took place during our Thank you weekend.  It was administered a little differently in that our partner read out the questions.  Also on this occasion James read the questions out of their usual order.

     What show up here is a weak No, a strong Thanks and relatively weak Please.  My Yes is much stronger since stepping into a place of letting go control, a scary death-of-ego place, but freeing.  It has made space for creativity, allowing me to make some bags to sell.  And I am much more surrendered to Source and the flow of life. 

     James took up the weak No.   I can at last see that Dad used to push and bully me.  It didn't happen often at all, which is partly why I've found it difficult to acknowledge in the past, but I'm pretty sensitive so it probably didn't take much when I was a child to make me feel imposed upon.  I realise, too, that I have repeated the cycle with partners.

     I used Katie Byron's 4 Questions to confront what has been happening and can see that it is only my thinking makes it so! I am on the way to a stronger No.

 

04-03-2007 

No 18
Hello 25
Thanks 25
Goodbye 24
Please 19
Sorry 19
Yes 16

Total 146

 

    For the first time Yes is weakest, partly because Please and No have got stronger.  I'm not waking with my stomach in a knot since letting go, but not sure I'm using my talents well. I relation to crafts, yes, I'm doing some sewing and using my talents there, but other talents are not being used.

     I know I'd like to get better at taking life as it comes.  Some would feel I do, and in masses of ways in the detail of life I do -I just know I'd like to be more able to surrender to life, to be thankful for absolutely all of it and know I'm responsible for all of it; that at some level I've created it.  It's about reminding myself really, forming a habit.

    My No is definitely stronger, especially in answer to the Q Do you prevent people from taking advantage of you?  I think some of my stronger No can be explained like this.  I needed to keep giving myself low scores on No until I came to acknowledge that there is childhood stuff that can still make me afraid of losing love or acceptance by standing my ground.  Also I needed to fully acknowledge that whatever happens, however someone treats me, I can choose how I respond.  I am in no way, ever, a victim. So, even though there are very few situations in my life these days that threaten my No,  there are some, and I cannot know real freedom of response while I am at the mercy of old childhood stuff and muddy thinking.  Good stuff!

 

11-03-2007 

No 21
Hello 24
Thanks 25
Goodbye 24
Please 23
Sorry 21
Yes 21

Total 159

 

    Over the four plus weeks of regularly using Q21 my total score has increased markedly, showing a general improvement in how happy I am with my life.  I'm sure it has only been so dramatic because of the particular situation I've been moving through in the past month.

    My Please has firmed up, partly an acknowledgement that compared with many, and with how I once was, I am pretty good at asking for what I want and bringing others on board to help me achieve it.  My sticking point is still choosing.  At times like this, where my conscious choosing seems to meet with a brick wall, I assume that my soul is choosing something different for me, and I go with that.  It is a different kind of choosing, choosing to go with the flow of life and listen intently for any action I am being called to take.

    My No, Sorry and Yes are all equal this time, and all higher than ever,  reflecting I think my choice to be thankful for my life exactly as it is, and thus to also feel content with who I am.

 


b) Using Q21, interview at least 4 people and report on your experiences as an interviewer.

c) Interview both partners in a relationship using Q21, record their scores and discuss the issues that you can see might come up for them because of their 7 Words profiles. 
 

 

Module 4 (Goodbye) - Work

 Our careers and the way we develop our roles in society often include many Goodbye moments. Typically we must decide things, complete tasks and move on. Look at your present position in the context of where you are in an unfolding development process.  Also think about how effectively you respond to changes in your circumstances that necessitate shifts in your life.  Address the following points: 

a)Discuss your work in 7 Words terms. 

Looking back at my working life, two things are immediately obvious: firstly, that the main driving force behind my work has lain in Thank You; and secondly, that very few of my transitions from job to job have been the result of a conscious Goodbye process. I would also say that the "career" in which I have ended up (secretary) was at no point the result of a conscious decision (Choice - No) or vision (Please). Tutor: Decision (Goodbye) & Choice (No) are not the same - as you say later. 

The roots of this situation lie in my teenage years, when I was encouraged to specialise in languages (languages and maths were my forte Tutor: "forte" implies strength (No) rather than preference (Thanks) - I wonder if you enjoyed these or just endured them?). In my early 50s, I discovered that my mother had wanted to study French at university, but had not been allowed by her father. So she studied her French vicariously, through me. This is just another example of the poor boundaries (No) between myself and my mother throughout my childhood. Tutor: Goodbye is all about dealing with issues once and for all, including all those we carry from childhood in to adulthood. Decision is instantaneous - enough is enough! Completion takes as long as is required before we can move on without any 'baggage' from the past holding us back. 

I did not succeed in obtaining a university place to study languages so I applied for a bilingual secretarial course. I ended up as an excellent secretary, which is a source of self-esteem, but have never used the "bilingual" element. Tutor: Is not using the bilingual element, a decision or disappointment? If the latter, is it time to rectify this?

If I am honest, I am probably a borderline workaholic - my work has been my main source of self-esteem (Thank You). My relationships with my bosses (Tutor: and other colleagues?) have always been important to me - as long as I feel appreciated and valued, I will stay. However, as soon as I no longer feel valued and supported, I leave as a "knee-jerk" reaction, without finding another job first. Tutor: This "knee-jerk" is strong, and some might say even reckless, Goodbye. Yet, Goodbye precedes Please and a vision of the future isn't necessary before saying Goodbye to situations that no longer serve us. I also have a tendency to encourage my boss to "dump" on me - desperate for approval (Thank You) and eager to become indispensable, I take on responsibility for dealing with far more than is reasonable, encouraging dependence on me. Tutor: It is good that you realize this. Of course, they are happy to pile on the work until eventually I feel put upon and stressed out. This is another example of bad boundaries and co-dependency (No). It is no surprise that the main relationships in my life have been with workaholics. Such vision (Please) as I have had involved becoming indispensable in enabling these wonderfully committed people to realise their vision! Tutor: Being a workaholic is not healthy. Celebrating our own talents can be (provided it's not arrogant or delusional). Relying on others to tell us how good we are is not healthy. We have to believe ourselves that we are good and worthy. It sounds like you believe you are an "excellent secretary" and that anyone is lucky to have you. Wanting to be indispensable, to the point where you will suffer intolerable imposition, suggests fear of not being wanted, needed or liked - a carryover from childhood that now needs to be faced and dealt with, as you are doing.

Through my study of 7 Words I have gained an insight into these issues and I am now consciously working to change. I have successfully disentangled myself from my last workaholic relationship and although I still occasionally work for him on a freelance basis, I have set firm boundaries on how I work for him. I worked for a firm of solicitors from 2002-2004, leaving because my boss was (at my invitation) "dumping" on me and expecting far too much, causing me considerable stress. I left in my usual manner and went straight into this job in a panic over my finances and flattered that I was "needed" by this charismatic workaholic. Unsurprisingly, this soon became very messy and I handed in my notice. However, I realised that I did not need to leave entirely, just set boundaries, so I cut down to two days for my workaholic friend, and returned to the solicitors one day a week.

In my employment with the solicitors, things are also changing. I now work two days a week for them. The whole office in which I work runs on the inability of most of the staff to set boundaries, but I have become good at protecting myself. I say "No" when I need to and when I agree to work extra hours, it is because I choose to. If I am tired or do not want to, I say "No". My boss depends on me heavily, but I choose how I respond and she has come to respect the boundaries I set. I am happy in my work, but know that if that changes, I will leave next time in the conventional manner, undergoing a proper Goodbye process. Tutor: clearly you have realized and experienced that when we set firm boundaries, they are accepted and respected. Well done.

It also seems to me that your bosses are perhaps not as good at managing their staff (i.e. you) as you suggest they are at their other work. Surely they must be partially responsible for giving you more and more work until you couldn't cope, even if you did invite them to do so?

Our 'baggage' follows us until we deal with it. We cannot escape it. We cannot move on without it, even if we think we can by simply running away. Choosing how much work you do and for whom are excellent examples of how you have strengthened your boundaries and managed your stress levels. You are celebrating your secretarial skills and have overcome the need to be indispensable. Well done.

b)To resolve any outstanding issues in your life, what decisions could you take? Discuss this.

This is a very difficult question for me (Tutor: Good. The questions are meant to be challenging.), as there are so many outstanding issues in my life, few of which are capable of being resolved by decision! Examples include depression, co-dependency, financial instability, low self-esteem, having no idea who I am or what I want in life, my poor relationship with my mother ... Tutor: Dealing with each and every one of these begins with Realization, followed by Decision and action (Completion). All need Decision.

Most of these issues stem from my childhood and I would suggest they all originate in No, even when their effects are seen in other keywords (e.g. low self-esteem under Thank You). I am therefore looking to No actions to resolve them, especially strengthening my boundaries. Tutor: This is excellent. Well done.

I do not have a good track record with making decisions, for various reasons. Successful decisions have to be grounded in a solid sense of one's own identity (No), otherwise confusion arises and decisions are not taken for the right reason and do not reflect a person's Truth. A Decision in the Goodbye sense is not, usually, a one-off decision (e.g. I will buy this item) but an on-going process in which we are faced with daily Choice, so a Decision has to be constantly reaffirmed in every Choice we make, which is difficult if we have No issues. Additionally, for a Decision to be successful, it has to be made with Intention (Tutor: commitment to Complete) and probably with some sense of Vision (Please) (Tutor: not necessary, see comment above) - otherwise, it is unlikely to succeed. It will also require one to take some sort of Responsibility (Sorry), for dealing with the consequences at the very least, and require some elements of Yes for accepting the outcome of the Decision (Tutor: that the outcome will be better than you can imagine). 

As I have stated elsewhere, I feel that I am not yet ready to move on beyond the first half of the 7 Words - and the more I engage with 7 Words, the more convinced I am that No is the bedrock, the foundation, the very ground upon which a life is built. I therefore feel that to try to make any but the simplest decisions is a waste of time at the moment. Such efforts are doomed to failure until I can bring a strong sense of self (No) to any Decision I make. Having said that, my decision (arising out of a Realisation about precipitating factors for depression) to protect my health, especially in my work (see a) above), has been taken since I began the course and is proving successful. Tutor: I am glad this Decision is working for you. Build on it.

c)Identify a particular project or life stage you need to complete upon. Describe in detail all the things that must be done, and from this create a timed job list. 

Once again, this is not an easy question for me. My main project is my own self-development, which cannot be dealt with by means of a timed job list! (Tutor: Why not?) The only project which might be suitable for this question is my 7 Words DLP, which I need to get on with if I am to complete it within the deadline. I am, in particular, finding module 3 challenging and I therefore propose to focus on that module for this question. 

What I need to do: 

1.    For 4 weeks or more, do the Q21 every week.

2.    Comment on the results.

3.    Interview at least 4 people using Q21.

4.    Report on my experiences as an interviewer.

5.    Interview both partners in a relationship using Q21.

6.    Record their scores and discuss the issues that might come up for them. 

Whilst writing up results, reporting on my experiences, and discussing issues do not pose any problems for me, I find the thought of using the Q21 with other people challenging. In particular, because of my social isolation I struggle to think of people to interview. To get around that particular problem, I will probably do the interviews at Sacred Arts, where I hope to be spoilt for choice! (Tutor: good idea.) I should therefore be writing up in the week or two following Sacred Arts, so I probably need to start doing the Q21 myself at the beginning of May (that gives me 5 or 6 weeks). For my own Q21, a weekend is best. So, my timed job list is therefore: 

1.      Start doing Q21 myself - 5/6 May, then 12/13, 19/20, 26/27 May and 2/3 June (maybe 9/10 June as well)

2.      Q21 interviews - 2-9 June

3.      Writing up - 12-19 June 

You will be able to check on my progress at Sacred Arts and if I submit module 3 around 19 June, you will know I have stuck to my schedule! Tutor: Job lists facilitate commitment to completion of decisions.

d)Look back on the period since you began the course and describe what has moved away from you that will not return. 

In the baldest sense, eighteen months and my 54th birthday have moved away from me and will not return! Actually, that remark is not quite as glib as it seems. The definition of time is change[1], so to experience time passing is to experience change, even when we are not conscious of it. Given that human life is about time passing, as we journey from birth to death, change is something we cannot ever hope to escape. For me, change is the essence of Goodbye and the Goodbye process is about actively embracing change, as a positive force. For this reason, I propose to reword the question to "describe what has changed" in the period since I began the course. 

The main thing that has changed is my level of awareness. Working with 7 Words and thinking about things in 7 Words terms has led to some surprising insights. I will never be able to go back to a position of lack of awareness (most of the things that have moved away from me and will not return seem to be "lack of ..."). Although I would love to be able to say that depression will not return, experience shows that this is something that is far from certain - but having gained the insights into depression that I have, I feel more confident about being able to keep it at bay in the future. I have, as mentioned in b) above, since starting the DLP come to the conclusion that everything is rooted in a strong No and this awareness is something that will continue to inform my life. When I am trying to deal with problems and issues in the future, including depression, I will look to No before anything else. 

One other important change has happened since I began the course, and one that will affect my life proufoundly - I have become a grandmother. This simple process, which happens to many, if not most people during the course of their lives, has led to two Realisations. The first is that I am now no longer the closest person in the world to my daughter - her own child has taken that position from me. The other realisation arising out of becoming a grandmother is that my position in the family has changed. I was in the middle, with my mother at the top and my daughter at the bottom. However, my mother's health is failing as she has started drinking again and is not looking after herself properly, and there are now two generations below me. In the next few years it is feasible that I will find myself at the top of the family tree - I will be the oldest generation and will lose my status as daughter when my mother dies. However, the beauty of 7 Words is that it brings awareness and understanding of processes, and especially of change, and it allows changes to be viewed in perspective. With awareness - and 7 Words as a guide and tool - these changes will not become a problem. 

Continuing in the same vein, I am worried that I will not be a "good" or "normal" grandmother. My mother was far from a normal grandmother and I am really worried that I will be as uninvolved, uncaring, unconcerned and generally just "not there" as my mother was towards my children. I am, therefore, applying 7 Words to these fears, looking especially to Thank You to improve my capacity to love and be involved with my grandson (and my daughter and her husband as well). 

So much else has changed since I began the course - I am more positive, more hopeful, less confused, more aware, and much of it comes as a result of 7 Words. I have spent most of my life following the path of self-development, desperately trying to mend all the damage of my childhood. Some things have worked better than others, and 7 Words is one of the most effective tools now at my disposal - and I will continue to use it! 

Tutor: In 7 Words, Goodbye is more to do with actively causing change than passively responding to the inevitability of change around us. 7 Words can be used as a complete life management tool, starting with No - as you are doing. You are not your mother. You can be different and it looks to me that you are being. Be careful not to blame your mother for the "damage" that occurred in your childhood. Decide what no longer serves you. Decide what you want instead. Change!

 

Module 5 (Please) - Vision

 The 7 Words System is a neutral framework that can facilitate the realizing of any vision. 

a)  Describe in 7 Words and in detail your most optimistic, realizable vision for your future in the context of life in the 21st century.

 No -- My Body...I am Healthy.

 I take excellent care of my body, exercising regularly.  I practice yoga and have regular massages.  My body is flexible and strong, enabling me to do all that I choose to do.

Hello -- My Mind...I am Clear.

I am a student and teacher of 7 Words which I use to check that what I say, think, feel, do, create, care for and celebrate is the best I can make it - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, environmentally, socially, & spiritually.  As a 7 Words Guide, I encourage others to do the same.

 Thanks -- My Feelings...I am Authentic.

I love and feel good about myself and all that I do.  I constantly check how I am feeling.  If I feel less than good, an opportunity exists to change and improve something.  I am authentic with myself and others about how I feel.  One of the best training grounds for this is my relationship.

   Goodbye -- My Actions...I am Adventurous.

 I am living in a community that shares my passion for and exemplification of eco-living.  I participate in my local LETS scheme.  My work is exciting, adventurous and satisfying.

Please -- My Creativity...I am Assertive.

I am deliberately creating a life that I enjoy - actively responding to life, rather than passively reacting to it.

 I promote 7 Words through 7 Words Online.

I develop and deliver 7 Words training packages and programmes - including books, eBooks, training programmes and 7 Words Theatre workshops and productions.

I am the Founder and Director of 7 Words Theatre - a unique training medium and production company producing a wide range of experiential learning events and multi-media presentations.

I support 7 Words Associates and regularly contribute new content to the 7WA website.

I am a 7 Words Guide, DLP Tutor & Supervisor.

Sorry -- My Concerns...I am Loving.

I take good care of my body.  I master my thoughts.  I live in a beautiful house and environment in a community in Devon.  I do work that I love - sharing 7 Words with an ever growing number of people.  I am happy and healthy.  I have a wonderful circle of friends with whom I keep in close touch.  I meditate and pray daily.  I serve others by being the best I can be.

 Yes -- My Joy...I am Happy.

Life is a great joy.  I am a unique and valuable part of All-That-Is.  I consciously create and enjoy all my experiences by mastering my thoughts, words, and deeds using 7 Words.

b) Clarify your intention to act in response to what has been understood from Part a).

 In May 2009, I will return to the UK from New Zealand, move to Totnes in Devon, create a beautiful home, in community, and settle there for the foreseeable future.  I will study and practice healthy, eco-living.  I will continue my daily routine of early morning meditation and exercise.  I will join a yoga class and find local therapists from whom I can receive regular massages.  I will continue to study, develop, teach and promote the application of 7 Words.  I will establish 7 Words Theatre and enlist help to make this a successful and enjoyable training and production enterprise. 

I am healthy, clear, authentic, adventurous, assertive, loving, and happy.

 c) Create a petition or personal statement that demonstrates your intention to realize a certain aspect of the vision described in Part a).  Get 7 people to sign it.

I am creating '7 Words Theatre' in order to teach 7 Words to a wide variety of participants and audiences in a playful yet powerful way. 

Much has been written about the application of 7 Words.  This written material is available through various websites (primarily www.7words.co.uk and www.7wordsassociates.org) and other training programmes, e.g. the 7 Words Distance Learning Programme.  For some, especially those with visual and kinaesthetic learning preferences, active learning, through role play for example, can be more effective than self-study reading or listening to a trainer.  Active learning through role play, spontaneous responses to multi-media presentations, and improvisation theatre, will be the focus of 7 Words Theatre workshops and productions.

It is my intention to form a small group of people, including my youngest son, who are keen to explore and expand my ideas with me.  I will then run a series of experimental workshops with this group between July and December 2009 - graduating to larger groups and theatres as the work progresses. 

d) From a religion, not your own or your parents', find a prayer and write a few paragraphs about it and why you have selected it.

The Gayatri Mantra

OM BHUR BUVAH SVAH

TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM

BHARGO DEVASYA DHIMAHI

DIYO YONAH PRACHODAYAT

People all over the world chant this ancient, Sanskrit prayer - one of the oldest prayers known to humanity.  It is considered by many to be one of the keynotes for the transformation of consciousness.  It has an identical vibration to the vital force in nature. Its sentiment is as ancient as light.  It appeals to the highest wisdom, to the brilliance of the cosmos, to illumine an understanding of our true nature.  The appeal requests that we become subtle and receptive to the divine wisdom that pervades the experience of life and is in essence our true nature.  It is said that to chant the Gayatri Mantra purifies the chanter; to listen to the Gayatri Mantra purifies the listener.

One translation is ...

"Throughout all realms of experience, the essential nature illuminating existence is the adorable One (YES).  May all beings perceive through subtle and meditative intellect the magnificent brilliance of enlightened awareness (PLEASE). "

It is my prayer that I know and experience my essential, brilliant, and Divine self ever more clearly, consciously and powerfully, and share this knowledge, experience, and process with others. 

Chanting this Sanskrit prayer in meditation helps to raise my awareness and appreciation of my mind and its function.  My mind seeks to understand and make meaning.  It cannot do this easily, nor in the moment, when what is being chanted is in a language it doesn't know.  It invites my mind to trust that what is being done is indeed beneficial and worthy of its agreement.  Even with the translation of the whole (above) and the individual words (below), my mind struggles 'to take a back seat' - reminding me that I am not just my mind, I am body, mind and soul, and some things are best understood or experienced when other aspects of my being (my heart and soul) are also engaged, or indeed in control.  

OM = All of existence, perceptive vibration of the cosmos, the Almighty (YES).

BHUR = Coming, the physical world (NO), vital energy (YES).

BHUVAH = Going (GOODBYE), the mental world (HELLO), destroyer of suffering (SORRY).

SVAH = Balance (GOODBYE), the intellectual world (HELLO), embodiment (NO) of happiness (YES).

TAT = That, indicates the 3 planes of existence, isness, pure being, God (YES).

SAVITUR = Radiant brilliance, bright, luminous like the sun (YES), knowledge (HELLO), male principle.

VARENYAM = Adorable, Venerable, Supreme (YES).

BHARGO = Permeated with magnificence (YES).

DEVASYA = Divine, intrinsically pure (YES).

DHIMAHI = Meditation focused, receiving (THANKS).

DHIYO = Intellect (HELLO).

YONAH = All beings, female principle (YES).

PRACHODAYAT = Inspire (THANKS), enlighten (HELLO), ignite (GOODBYE).

 

 

Module 6 (Sorry) - Self-healing 

 This needs to be approached with great care and sensitivity, and requires a degree of sacredness and humility.  In the previous modules we have learned quite a lot about incisiveness and thrust. We are now learning about compassion and the effect we have on others.

a) Meditate on reflexive self-consciousness: in other words, try to put yourself at the other end of what you do and have done to others, and imagine that you can experience the feelings of someone you have hurt. Write about the feelings this brings up in you.

During my first real significant relationship I was sexual a number of times with other women and once my partner walked in on me when I was in bed with another woman. She was very upset and angry understandably and started smashing things in my house and every time I restrained her she screamed at me not to touch her. I don't think I realized at the time just how much hurt I caused her by this incident and how damaging it was to our relationship, which in some ways never really recovered. Obviously it was difficult for her to trust me after this.

Feelings that come up for me are shame and guilt and how much I was into self gratification and pleasure with no regard to the consequences. I can't believe how much 'hurt' I was responsible for causing her when I loved and treasured her dearly. In hindsight I feel I betrayed her, was disrespectful, uncaring and unloving. I must have been really cut off from my heart to have done this. My boundaries were quite loose at this stage of my life, signifying a weak 'no'.

 

b) Discuss what you feel you are owed by a person who has injured you or hurt your feelings.

A business associate and also kind of a friend borrowed £34,000 from me for a year to start a business which he implied would be quite lucrative. The agreement was that after a year my initial investment would be repaid plus 25% interest plus 20% of the profits. He personally guaranteed the loan. After a year he had not repaid the loan or any interest despite a number of requests and after 18 months he went bankrupt. After 2 years he'd started other businesses in his wife's name which were very profitable but he never paid me back a cent despite empty assurances that he would. At the time I was offered by an ex gang member to collect the money from him on my behalf for a commission. This would have involved 'roughing up' the guy so he would get the 'message'. Although I was very tempted, I ended up declining the offer and letting it all go, not wanting the responsibility of the karma. Afterwards, I thought about it many times as I heard he ripped off others as well and I often wondered if I had done the 'right thing'.

I felt totally betrayed by him, very angry and powerless that he had a blatant disregard for the agreement and that he had no intention of paying me back even though I had helped him in good faith. Later on I started looking at this from a different viewpoint. Why did I attract this? Where wasn't I being completely honest in my life? Did I have feelings or beliefs round self worth and deserving which reinforced what happened? In hindsight, I was so trusting and naive lending him this amount of money without doing sufficient checks. I have had two similar situations where I've been offered large returns and in the process lost a lot of money. I was a slow learner!

 c) Discuss also what you feel you owe to a person who feels upset with you.

 I feel like I owe Fran, the woman whom I was describing in part a) an apology and empathy for me being the source of so much of her hurt at the time we were in relationship. She is the only ex partner of mine that I haven't had an ongoing close friendship with. We did have some nice contact initially after breaking up but this waned and after she felt quite distant from me so I didn't keep pursuing contact with her. She has been on my mind a lot over the last few months since I started this assignment and I feel a need to make contact with her and see if she would like to meet. I'd like to open the doors for contact again (hello) and to listen to how it was for her at the time. Increasingly lately I've been feeling sorrow for my actions. It's time for me to take responsibility for the hurt I caused and to apologize (sorry) and see if our friendship is repairable and if it is not to complete and move on without this baggage that is currently between us (goodbye).

d) Describe a situation in which you feel the 7 Words System has facilitated healing.

 In December 2010 I raised the courage to contact Fran, the ex-partner whom I was feeling a need to make contact with ever since I had started this module around the word 'SORRY'. She was surprisingly open to contact and we agreed we'd meet the next time that I would be in the area and this was mid-September. If it wasn't for this assignment I would not have had enough desire. It was a very heart touching meeting. Fran was very open and appreciative of my desire to listen to her and to apologize. She said she had long let go any resentment towards me and shared with me lots of wonderful things about our relationship and experiences we had shared. We are again dear friends after about 12 years of estrangement. I think it would have been many years before I would have contacted her if I hadn't been working on this assignment.

 

Module 7 (Yes) - Control 

 

Each primary word has its associated state of being that includes attitudes of mind, emotional disposition and even bodily, physiological aspects.  Yes is relaxed and yielding and ultimately leads to relinquishing control completely.  It is the opposite of the state of being that comes with control.

Model Answer awaiting inspiration!