Relationships in 7 Words
No is about boundaries, identity, choice and truth.
We would not be able to form a close bond of intimacy with just anyone, so we discriminate against unsuitable matches according to the criteria that characterize who we are. It is normal to be somewhat reserved and cautious before letting down our guards.
Hello is about attention, openness, exchange and communion.
A softening away from isolation begins with courtesy and friendliness, and in time if circumstances support it, friendship. Out of the urge towards intimacy the imperfections are overlooked and the many differences are seen as interesting areas for learning. This is the ‘getting to know you’ phase with its courtship rituals and which can include sex even before a heart connection has opened.
Thanks is about appreciating, valuing and giving from the heart.
Whereas the intense mutual attention of romance and sex, (falling in love), is enough to overwhelm caution and wisdom and blast the feelings, underneath the melodrama a quiet gentle fondness of the heart speaks of a deeper abiding love arising, which can be self-sacrificing and supportive of the other.
Goodbye is about realization, decision, completion, and moving on.
The various turning points are marked by: realization of attraction, decision to move forward, first kiss, first night, betrothal, marriage and perhaps others. There are many moments that underline the intensity of the whole experience and these are Goodbye moments because they create irrevocable shifts in position. Quarrels and conflicts are evidence of committed involvement, always hinting at the possibility of endings.
Please is about vision, intention, cooperation and prayer.
After each shift the sense of separateness is diminished as two move towards become one ‘joined at the hip’. The couple is seen as an item whose intentions are unified, whose dreams are shared, whose visions of the future dovetail. Cooperative ventures are undertaken e.g. babies.
Sorry is about responsibility, remorse, repair and release.
Others are cast aside as the couple grow more aware that their responsibility to ‘the relationship’ has to take some precedence over some of their personal feelings. Instead of asserting their individual position they each learn to let go more and forgive injuries inflicted by the other.
Yes is about permission, acceptance, agreement and surrender.
In the later years, each is an aspect of the other. It is almost meaningless to try to perceive them absolutely as individuals because their merging is an expression of a willing surrender to the marriage. They are one as the couple.
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